(tone : with reluctance and fear) I have chosen to post this on my public blog because I am scared of you as a family. I am scared of yet another highly negative and demeaning confrontation in a seemingly "non-confrontational" family--this is a constant source of anxiety for me and for you as well--as far as I can tell. Hence, writing this on a public blog allows me witnesses, and it allows you witnesses too.
(tone: with conviction) I firmly believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I believe the greatest miracle is in conversion and all other miracles are subsidiaries to the conversion of faith in the atonement of Jesus. It is because of my belief in Jesus Christ, and my desire to follow his prophets that I want to address the unity in the Dean and Angeli Sheffer family and our (the Ryan and Bridget) family's specific role in that unity.
(with clarity and firmness) Please let me clarify several points:
- I DO NOT HATE the Dean and Angeli Sheffer family. This belief is a lie. I DO LOVE many things and people in this family. Ryan and I do not always agree with the goings-on and choices. Hence, we may seem "distant" or "quiet" or occasionally "comment" on the decisions with which we do not agree--please accept that we can agree to disagree and it is okay. Ryan and I have long since decided he will be the mouthpiece for our family in regards to the rest of the family. If you do not hear much from me, it is NOT because I do not like you. It is because I cannot seem to grasp the Shefferese language.
- Parker. As many of you are aware, we were recently "removed" from the Carepage that updates us about Parker and his heart condition. This was Shelia's choice. We respect that despite our personal hurt. We do not love less--We feel a GREAT DEAL of COMPASSION toward the Allen family as a whole to Parker specifically. Please understand that after watching my father struggle with a chronic and horrifically painful disease for 25 of my 30 year life, I have a VASTLY DIFFERENT perspective on this situation--as you have come to learn. Ryan has seen this as well now too. Please forgive me, please forgive Ryan for our differences.
- The phone. I avoid using the phone at ALL costs unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary. I don't like using the phone. If you do not recieve a call from us, it is because neither Ryan or I like using the phone and would much rather talk to your beautiful faces or through an occassional email.
- (with humility and pleading) The in-law relationship. Please understand my relationship with my family will always be different than it is with the Sheffer family. I have heard a lot of "Why can't you just. . ." fill in the blank in relation to the Sheffer family as a whole. I humbly ask these expectations to cease as much as possible. I have known you for only 6.5 years--I have been part of another family for 31.
(with a soft heart) As Elder Eyring asked of us, please accept Ryan, my children, and myself for who we are--different from you in belief and action. As Elder Eyring stated, we have many things in common. I have made a personal conviction to find more common ground. I have made a personal conviction to speak more kindly of each of you when you are not in my presence.
(with my heart bursting with love and charity) Please know WE LOVE YOU even if we do not conform to the family traditions. Please know WE LOVE YOU even though we may not call. Please know WE LOVE YOU even though our visits may be short or far between. Please know I LOVE YOU and forgive you.
With deep sincerity,
Bridget
Dear Bridget:
ReplyDeleteFor 50, no 57 years I never heard my Dad say he loved my mother. It just showed. My mother had a miscaraige and shared a room with another woman. This woman received dozens of roses and baskets of gifts. My mom said to her "I wish my husband loved me like yours." the woman said "Was your husband out with another woman while your baby was being born? That's why I have all these gifts." I remember visiting her and said "It will be alright." she started to cry and said "I just wanted to raise this baby." At that point I realized she really loved her children. Dad has been a hard worker and was shy about girls. We have a close family without saying "I love you" all the time. You have a big job keeping Ryan happy and raising 3 happy children. We all love each other without words. We should show each other we do love each other by works- not words. Sometimes that includes respecting our privacy and focusing on our own family and their happiness. I think I speak for all the family when I say we are glad you are part of our family. We respect your privacy and feelings and hope you can feel more at ease each time we meet. I would like you to feel that if you and Ryan ever have a serious setback you would feel comfortable moving in with us to get on your feet (if that ever happens) as if you were home.
Well here is some good advice: get some sleep and don't give advice.
All my **** ah Dad (Dean)
Bridget, I love you too. This has been a tough year for the whole Sheffer family. I hope things settle down and clear up with time. I know you and Ryan have had to deal with the blunt end of the sword far too often during recent events, and I have the utmost respect for you both. It has been so special to get to know you on a more personal level, and despite the differences we have, I value you as a friend and a sister. As the fellow in-law, I feel very similar to you, as you expressed in this post--that looming fear that I won't be accepted for who I am, the constant need-to-please attitude, and a desire for forgiveness for my many shortcomings. I'm well aware that my opinion in the Sheffer family isn't much, but for what little it is worth, I love you, Cody loves you, we love Ryan, and each of your children. We will be here whenever you need us, and even when you don't too. Love, Lisa
ReplyDeleteThanks Bridget, those words are very hard to say and I respect your openness and genuine feelings. Your feelings are acknowledged with complete love. We are so glad to have you marry our son. You make him so happy. For that we are grateful. We long for that ideal life where you can accept us and our home as a haven for whatever you may need. Your children are precious to us as are you.
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