Our dawn has come.
To fully understand the tender mercies form the Lord we have had, especially in the last 24 hours, you need to understand the last two months of our lives.
At the beginning of August, Ryan registered for Fall Semester at USU to begin the Masters of Information Systems Management. I was going to get a full-time job on campus to support him and our family while he worked on his degree. It was for this exact degree that we moved to Logan in January. Ryan diligently studied for the GMAT for acceptance into the master degree program.
At the end of August, he had quit his job--it was a decision we both felt should happen. We felt guided by the spirit. He decided to look for jobs on campus as well since I wasn't even getting interviews. He interviewed for a Computer Support Analyst position on USU's campus. The possibility of him getting the position was SURE, at least that was the impression we were given.
The week before classes began, Ryan withdrew from school. He decided he wanted to wait for the position on campus to work out (for tuition benefits), before he started. Days of suspense about the job rolled into weeks. I began having absolutely strong impressions the Masters of Information Systems Management may not be the direction we should go. More quickly than not, we found ourselves unemployed and deeply confused. What we thought was sure was not. We fasted for the job (along with the Lord's will).
Soon we were questioning EVERYTHING. Why we were here? Why did we felt strongly about the position, yet it remained open? Was the Masters degree the right thing to do?
I was sure Ryan should do computer certifications instead of the masters degree. He was determined to have the masters degree. We could not seem to agree. It was causing a great deal of tension in our marriage. (Tender Mercy #1) One of the women I visiting teach randomly called me one afternoon at the end of September. She said, "Can I watch your kids tonight while you go on a date? Then we can trade next week and you can watch my kids." I nearly cried. Our relationship was desperate for this specific attention. I quickly agreed to it.
Yet, the days pressed on--still NO WORD about the job. Confusion about the Masters degree was paramount. We attended the temple. While at the temple, Ryan felt he should not pursue the Masters degree in Information Systems Management. Then what? What would we do? Where would we go? That's why we were here! Ryan doubted himself. Was it just fear?
He started applying for I.T. jobs all over the state of Utah as well as some around the nation. NOTHING was coming through. NO INTERVIEWS. NOTHING. Our tension increased; our insecurity mounted; our desperation deepened.
We both knew he needed more training (Tender Mercy #2) that was clear. He decided maybe he should focus on certifications (for example A+ or Network+ or MSCE) for job training. He would sit at the computer to register for the certification tests and yet LITERALLY could not. He thought maybe he was afraid. Soon fear began to grip his entire being. Self-doubt consumed both of us. He began working temporary jobs, and we supplemented his income with our savings. (Tender Mercy #3) We had considerable savings from selling our Mitsubishi Lancer.
As weeks of "no word" from the job, of doubts, of confusion, and fear consumed our lives, Luke began regularly asking "When are we going to move again?" Suzanne's potty training plummeted like the current stock market. Yet, Eric began sleeping through the night (Tender Mercy #4). Something he has never done. With sleep, we still could not shake all the negativity that had come to us. We sought priesthood blessings (Tender Mercy #5). Ryan as given two during that week. The counsel was precise: 1) an answer would come; 2) we would know what to do because it would bring peace to both of us; 3) both blessings counseled us to follow the inspiration that would come, yet it would be contrary to the desire of Ryan's heart--among other important and sacred counsel.
The spirit of General Conference spoke clearly to us (Tender Mercy #6). My reserves of faith were renewed. I woke up Monday morning inspired that we needed to listen to Cast Not Away Therefore Thy Confidence by Elder Holland. The Lord taught Ryan through the Holy Ghost while he listed to this talk. He shared his learning with me (Tender Mercy #7), and it became clear we needed to make a notable sacrifice for the Lord to guide us. Then I lost my job on Wednesday, and the desire for clarity enlarged.
Ryan had already fasted within the week. (Tender Mercy #8) With his fasting, Ryan's gripping fear began to loosen. We needed more faith and humility for help. The Lord was waiting for us to ask for the help ONLY HE could give. Just as a parent respects the independence of the child; He respected our agency. We knew we needed the Lord. We knew we had done all we could do. We needed to exercise our faith. And we did. We prepared the rest of the week and did a 24 hour fast on Thursday.
Thursday was yet another Bridget misadventure of being late to pick up my kids from the babysitter because I locked my keys in the car and trying to attend the temple and forgetting my recommend. (Tender Mercy #9) So many friends and family were willing to help me through my misadventure while Ryan was at work unaware of all the silliness. Once I was able to talk to Ryan, I asked him if he could find a ride home. Our explorer was still in the parking lot of Borders. He called me back several hours later. A man--that normally works the day shift--was working swing. He lives one block away from us. He would bring Ryan home (Tender Mercy #10).
During a moment while Ryan and I were alone on Thursday, I looked at him and thought--he's only going to feel fulfilled if he teaches. What he would teach? I did not know. It was clear to me that revelation would be given to him. Later that night, while alone I read a BYU Devotional about finding our place, our "trail," or specific mission in the Lord's great and precise plan. While I was reading the talk a story was told of a young woman inspired to do graduate work in an area she DID NOT expect. This is will be like Ryan, I thought.
Since he has been working a temp job, a swing shift at a butter factory in Hyrum, he has not been coming home until 11:30 pm. He came home, patriarchal blessing in hand. I knew he spent the evening pondering its words.
We had decided to break our fast Friday morning, so we spoke little about the fasting and possibilities that had crossed our mind for the day. Finally, the suspense was too much. He read me a line from his patriarchal blessing that literally told him what the Lord wanted him to do. It was something neither one of us had noticed before. (BIG, FAT Tender Mercies #11 and #12) Our fasting and prayers were CLEARLY and PRECISELY answered. There was harmony between us--something we had struggled with for MONTHS. We went to bed at 2 am this morning with our faith, security and hope renewed and strengthened!
Ryan will be pursing advanced degrees in Economics. (This was his bachelor's degree studies. This was NOT the desire of his heart as the blessings foreshadowed.) He will then pursue jobs in teaching at the university level.
NOW, it is clear why he received the inspiration NOT to do the Masters of Information Systems Management degree. Now, it is clear why he needed to leave SD7 (the job he had in computer support). It is clear why we had not heard from the job at USU. We needed to be brought to an extremity; to humble ourselves for the Lord's clarity. This was the only way we could have learned his specific mission on this earth (Tender Mercy #13).
We heard from the job at USU THIS MORNING! The matchstick of this entire process. He did not get the job, by the way. :)
(Tender Mercy #14) He was approached at the temp job tonight and informed of another position that would allow him to go to school and make more money than he is now. (Tender Mercy #15) We learned today that USU has the ONLY Economic degree in the state of Utah (where we could get resident tuition) that is intended specifically for Ph.D. candidacy preparation. (Tender Mercy #16) We learned USU's graduate school has a transfer program where he could transfer his application work to be accepted to the Masters of Information Systems Management program to the Masters of Arts in Economics, among other school specific needs. Obviously, the Lord knew we would come to this point LONG before we got here. Despite our doubts and because of our struggles, he placed us perfectly (Tender Mercy #17).
AND, (Tender Mercy #18) Women have been coming from no where to host Discovery Toys parties for me.
We are both consumed with the LOVE of the LORD (Tender Mercy #19). Though there is a further "fight of affliction" (Hebrews 10:32), we confidently move forward plainly knowing the Lord's will for Ryan and our family respectively.
P.S. I am positive my "tender mercy count" is too low. And yes, I picked a desert dawning for a reason :) I love being warm!
To fully understand the tender mercies form the Lord we have had, especially in the last 24 hours, you need to understand the last two months of our lives.
At the beginning of August, Ryan registered for Fall Semester at USU to begin the Masters of Information Systems Management. I was going to get a full-time job on campus to support him and our family while he worked on his degree. It was for this exact degree that we moved to Logan in January. Ryan diligently studied for the GMAT for acceptance into the master degree program.
At the end of August, he had quit his job--it was a decision we both felt should happen. We felt guided by the spirit. He decided to look for jobs on campus as well since I wasn't even getting interviews. He interviewed for a Computer Support Analyst position on USU's campus. The possibility of him getting the position was SURE, at least that was the impression we were given.
The week before classes began, Ryan withdrew from school. He decided he wanted to wait for the position on campus to work out (for tuition benefits), before he started. Days of suspense about the job rolled into weeks. I began having absolutely strong impressions the Masters of Information Systems Management may not be the direction we should go. More quickly than not, we found ourselves unemployed and deeply confused. What we thought was sure was not. We fasted for the job (along with the Lord's will).
Soon we were questioning EVERYTHING. Why we were here? Why did we felt strongly about the position, yet it remained open? Was the Masters degree the right thing to do?
I was sure Ryan should do computer certifications instead of the masters degree. He was determined to have the masters degree. We could not seem to agree. It was causing a great deal of tension in our marriage. (Tender Mercy #1) One of the women I visiting teach randomly called me one afternoon at the end of September. She said, "Can I watch your kids tonight while you go on a date? Then we can trade next week and you can watch my kids." I nearly cried. Our relationship was desperate for this specific attention. I quickly agreed to it.
Yet, the days pressed on--still NO WORD about the job. Confusion about the Masters degree was paramount. We attended the temple. While at the temple, Ryan felt he should not pursue the Masters degree in Information Systems Management. Then what? What would we do? Where would we go? That's why we were here! Ryan doubted himself. Was it just fear?
He started applying for I.T. jobs all over the state of Utah as well as some around the nation. NOTHING was coming through. NO INTERVIEWS. NOTHING. Our tension increased; our insecurity mounted; our desperation deepened.
We both knew he needed more training (Tender Mercy #2) that was clear. He decided maybe he should focus on certifications (for example A+ or Network+ or MSCE) for job training. He would sit at the computer to register for the certification tests and yet LITERALLY could not. He thought maybe he was afraid. Soon fear began to grip his entire being. Self-doubt consumed both of us. He began working temporary jobs, and we supplemented his income with our savings. (Tender Mercy #3) We had considerable savings from selling our Mitsubishi Lancer.
As weeks of "no word" from the job, of doubts, of confusion, and fear consumed our lives, Luke began regularly asking "When are we going to move again?" Suzanne's potty training plummeted like the current stock market. Yet, Eric began sleeping through the night (Tender Mercy #4). Something he has never done. With sleep, we still could not shake all the negativity that had come to us. We sought priesthood blessings (Tender Mercy #5). Ryan as given two during that week. The counsel was precise: 1) an answer would come; 2) we would know what to do because it would bring peace to both of us; 3) both blessings counseled us to follow the inspiration that would come, yet it would be contrary to the desire of Ryan's heart--among other important and sacred counsel.
The spirit of General Conference spoke clearly to us (Tender Mercy #6). My reserves of faith were renewed. I woke up Monday morning inspired that we needed to listen to Cast Not Away Therefore Thy Confidence by Elder Holland. The Lord taught Ryan through the Holy Ghost while he listed to this talk. He shared his learning with me (Tender Mercy #7), and it became clear we needed to make a notable sacrifice for the Lord to guide us. Then I lost my job on Wednesday, and the desire for clarity enlarged.
Ryan had already fasted within the week. (Tender Mercy #8) With his fasting, Ryan's gripping fear began to loosen. We needed more faith and humility for help. The Lord was waiting for us to ask for the help ONLY HE could give. Just as a parent respects the independence of the child; He respected our agency. We knew we needed the Lord. We knew we had done all we could do. We needed to exercise our faith. And we did. We prepared the rest of the week and did a 24 hour fast on Thursday.
Thursday was yet another Bridget misadventure of being late to pick up my kids from the babysitter because I locked my keys in the car and trying to attend the temple and forgetting my recommend. (Tender Mercy #9) So many friends and family were willing to help me through my misadventure while Ryan was at work unaware of all the silliness. Once I was able to talk to Ryan, I asked him if he could find a ride home. Our explorer was still in the parking lot of Borders. He called me back several hours later. A man--that normally works the day shift--was working swing. He lives one block away from us. He would bring Ryan home (Tender Mercy #10).
During a moment while Ryan and I were alone on Thursday, I looked at him and thought--he's only going to feel fulfilled if he teaches. What he would teach? I did not know. It was clear to me that revelation would be given to him. Later that night, while alone I read a BYU Devotional about finding our place, our "trail," or specific mission in the Lord's great and precise plan. While I was reading the talk a story was told of a young woman inspired to do graduate work in an area she DID NOT expect. This is will be like Ryan, I thought.
Since he has been working a temp job, a swing shift at a butter factory in Hyrum, he has not been coming home until 11:30 pm. He came home, patriarchal blessing in hand. I knew he spent the evening pondering its words.
We had decided to break our fast Friday morning, so we spoke little about the fasting and possibilities that had crossed our mind for the day. Finally, the suspense was too much. He read me a line from his patriarchal blessing that literally told him what the Lord wanted him to do. It was something neither one of us had noticed before. (BIG, FAT Tender Mercies #11 and #12) Our fasting and prayers were CLEARLY and PRECISELY answered. There was harmony between us--something we had struggled with for MONTHS. We went to bed at 2 am this morning with our faith, security and hope renewed and strengthened!
Ryan will be pursing advanced degrees in Economics. (This was his bachelor's degree studies. This was NOT the desire of his heart as the blessings foreshadowed.) He will then pursue jobs in teaching at the university level.
NOW, it is clear why he received the inspiration NOT to do the Masters of Information Systems Management degree. Now, it is clear why he needed to leave SD7 (the job he had in computer support). It is clear why we had not heard from the job at USU. We needed to be brought to an extremity; to humble ourselves for the Lord's clarity. This was the only way we could have learned his specific mission on this earth (Tender Mercy #13).
We heard from the job at USU THIS MORNING! The matchstick of this entire process. He did not get the job, by the way. :)
(Tender Mercy #14) He was approached at the temp job tonight and informed of another position that would allow him to go to school and make more money than he is now. (Tender Mercy #15) We learned today that USU has the ONLY Economic degree in the state of Utah (where we could get resident tuition) that is intended specifically for Ph.D. candidacy preparation. (Tender Mercy #16) We learned USU's graduate school has a transfer program where he could transfer his application work to be accepted to the Masters of Information Systems Management program to the Masters of Arts in Economics, among other school specific needs. Obviously, the Lord knew we would come to this point LONG before we got here. Despite our doubts and because of our struggles, he placed us perfectly (Tender Mercy #17).
AND, (Tender Mercy #18) Women have been coming from no where to host Discovery Toys parties for me.
We are both consumed with the LOVE of the LORD (Tender Mercy #19). Though there is a further "fight of affliction" (Hebrews 10:32), we confidently move forward plainly knowing the Lord's will for Ryan and our family respectively.
P.S. I am positive my "tender mercy count" is too low. And yes, I picked a desert dawning for a reason :) I love being warm!
What a beautiful way to tell your story about tender mercies and your trials. You have strengthened my testimony by sharing your experiences. Thank you!! I admire yours and Ryan's faith.
ReplyDeletewow
ReplyDelete*smiles* I'm super glad that things are back on track for your family! I've been worrying about you, and if I were you I'd keep that picture of the desert where I could see it, at least through your next Cache Valley winter. ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bridget. Thanks for sharing that.
ReplyDeleteI remember something you had said in a conversation that we shared. You mentioned an assurance about how things would work for you if you did your family history. Is that still part of the picture? Trust and move forward.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWe have been going through our own share of trails that sometimes seem neverending as well, and I really appreciate you sharing your story. I have a hard time expressing my feelings and sharing personal stories, so I am very grateful that you are able to to that, because I am sure that I am not the only one that has been uplifted by what you had to say. THANKS!
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. I am sure you are being led. With the action of Faith you have your answer. We will continue to have you in our prayers. Good luck getting there. We support you. This is a beautiful record of trials and being grateful for life.
ReplyDeleteMainly I'm just happy you'll be staying in Logan for a while. :D (j/k). We are so happy for you, that you have found the peace the Lord gives. He truly is a loving Father, who guides our lives in directions we may not be able to understand, but that are right.
ReplyDeleteAwesome news! I am happy to see progress. I think Ryan has found something he will be Great in. I'll be here for any type of support you guys need.
ReplyDeleteI see someone already said it, but wow.
ReplyDelete