I'm so grumpy and moody when I am pregnant and breastfeeding. Some women throw-up, I get nauseated for the entire 40 weeks, horribly depressed and my tendency toward anxiety rages out of control. As Ryan and my mom have said, "I'm not sure how we are going to make it through this one." Neither am I. I'm not sure how Ryan (or anyone else for that matter) tolerates me.
I cannot seem to stay awake this pregnancy either--I literally go into this comatose state twice a day where all I can do is lay on the couch and sleep. What in the world am I going to do with my 3 children this summer as I'm unwillingly plastered on the couch with fatigue?
Second question, how am I going to finish my thesis? I can barely think; barely process information and draw any logical conclusions. One of the Ph.D.s on my committee insightfully suggested I take a year to finish my thesis. Initially I thought, "Oh, no, I can do this. Have I not proven all I can accomplish with the Lords help?" The thought alone demands humility and here I stand. Humbled. All the blood and nutrients previously frolicking through the outer reaches of my brain are now some where in my uterus building a baby. This has left my mental capacity at about 35%. Not my favorite place to be.
I was so happy to have been free of pregnancy for two whole, beautiful years.
Whose idea was this?
I am philosophically complex enough to separate the pregnant state from the child. I am excited to have another child. Not excited to be pregnant. I know it is the right thing to do and loathe it at the same time.
Thank heaven the state of being is temporary. This is a blessing. I am keenly aware of other physical ailments far more painful and mentally agonizing which do not end as pregnancy does. That knowledge alone should leave me grateful, humbled and willing to proceed with my nausea, depression and anxiety.
Knowing you, you've probably already done this, but make sure you get a blessing. Or many of them. You're exactly right--the Lord, and He alone, can give you the strength to get through this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteThis baby is meant for you and Ryan, at this time. I'm certain you understand that.
You've taught me so much about facing your trials with strength and courage. There have been some very poignant and special things you've said to me that have stuck with me more than you'd ever know. You are such a force for good, and this baby will be an opportunity for you to share that good even more. I know it. Not just this baby, though--this pregnancy. We'll keep you in our prayers through it all (and before, and after too!)
You can do it, Bridget! We know you can. And if there's anything at all we can do, even if you just want to call and vent for a little bit, please let us help. It's hard when we're this far away, but we are here for you through it all. Good luck!
I just loved reading that. For lots of reasons.... :) You're great Bridget!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations and wishing you the best. We'll keep you in our prayers. *hugs*
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