Bridget Blunders: a novella

(The tragic beginning of the novella)

I want to send out a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who was so supportive after the post in which I discussed my struggle with anxiety. So, thank you for the comments, the phone calls and the emails. Often, I type without thinking and did not anticipate such a response. I am, however, grateful for your careful attention to me. The Lord has answered my prayers in strange ways (from telephone calls, emails and radio news stories). I had chosen to stay off the zoloft and look for alternatives, until last night.

Here is an appropriate analogy for life: On occasion in life, we get holes in the boats on which we make our life journey. During these times, we have to stop everything else and fix the boat. Last night was a full-on ship wreck! No worries though. . .I've been through this several times before. I always pull out of the wreck, but it takes time.

Here's how I explain these moments to Ryan. "It's as though my body is experiencing absolute terror." I've learned I am not afraid, but that my biochemistry is directly reacting to the stresses of the day. (Mind you, that learning curve was high and extremely difficult). So, I laid awake until 2 am. Then I decided to take some zoloft, to get it back in system, as well as an antihistamine to help me sleep.

I woke up this morning feeling as though I was hit by a train. My muscles and whole body ached from the anxiety (or terror) I experience when not regulated by a simple medication. It feels something like the full-body ache a woman experiences after giving birth. Or a man who has just done a strenuous full-body workout.

Needless to say, I'm starting a new regimen of medication with supporting vitamins and minerals sprinkled with some herbs. This will also need to be supported with some space and time from familiar faces. It generally takes me a week or two to recover from such incidence.

The greatest tragedy for me is how this challenge can effect my relationships. Often the Sheffer family as a whole perceives I do not like them...in reality, I'm trying to maintain the extreme amount of anxiety my body has been conditioned to feel in certain circumstances. On a personal level, these moments have a straining effect on Ryan as well. He is amazingly strong. We have often reflected back on the "divine design"(Bridget's patriarchal blessing) of our marriage. So, to anyone who may feels I have "walls" galore--I'm sorry. It must be realized there are battles ranging within me obviously difficult to understand unless they are experienced first hand.

I feel compelled to write about these experiences and how I have overcome them, but I am not sure to what end. So, I have not begun....

(The comedic relief)

I have a dear friend named Christy Parrish. She is a jewel in my life. She left her job of several years to become a French teacher. She is currently attending BYU to attain her goal--though it is not easy. During BYU's spring break, she will be in Logan. My friend Megan and I were emailing about her anticipated arrival. Please read as follows:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Bridget Sheffer <bridgetsheffer@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Mar 26, 2008 at 8:05 AM
Subject: Re: Thanks again. . .
To: Megan Wilcken

I will definitely put on my calendar Christ will be here at the end of April and not schedule anything else until we know what we want to do :) :)

I am very excited about Jesus coming again, but I had no idea I knew the day and time :) HA! We've been laughing about this for days! Good thing we've been working on our food storage! LOL! Thanks to Megan for pointing out my typo....

(The anti-climatic ending)

Suzanne has broken out with eczema all over her body. She's seems to be allergic to perfumes. As a baby, she COULD NOT wear Huggies. Her skin would develop a "burned" appearance and then the skin would start to deteriorate.

Normally, I buy pretty cheap laundry detergent. Macy's had Tide on sale; since we needed some, I bought it. Her skin is dry already, the detergent has made it worse. SO. . .I'm making my own laundry detergent! It's awesome--the idea. I just made it and haven't used it yet. It's supposed to "set up" over night. We'll see how it goes.